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Safe Stable Intimacy

Updated: Dec 8, 2023

Man looking at woman making eye contact

How far can I go into you,

without leaving myself?

How far can I extend myself

outwards and not lose my center?

How much can experience the being of someone else, while experiencing my self?

These are the real questions in relationship.

This is where the work gets juicy and fruitful.

Typically, we each have a fundamental orientation inwards or outward in relationship.

Either we have a strong connection to our own world, and a weak connection to the world of others; or we have a weak connection to our own world, and a strong connection to the world of others.

This of course creates many problems in relationship, even we the intentions of all involved are beautiful and loving.

And so, if we wish to find our way into connections that are deep, stable and safe, we must intentionally work with the energies, patterns, skills that are contrary to whatever is our default and most comfortable way of being.

The work always begins with the connection to our own self— our own desires, needs, boundaries, dreams, passions, attachments and aversions. Without that, there is absolutely no reference point for how to engage with the external world, except simply serving to the desires and needs of others.

But even though that is the first and most fundamental aspect of true connection, it alone won’t get you anywhere except isolation or exploitation.

Once the inner world is well defined and the boundary in between self and other is strongly felt, we can also start to let that wall down, trusting the inner anchor of authenticity and embodied experience to hold true, while being safe to experience the world of others.

So much is possible in the realms of human connection. Such beauty, power, and ecstasy. And we can fully explore it, in safe and skillful ways, once we learn to to inhabit, explore and adore our own world.

That’s why, in day one of this workshop, we focus on this project of relationship to our own self; and then on day two, we dive into the magic of connection.


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