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Moving Through Avoidance

Let me tell you a bit of story on how I was able to begin my own movement away from my avoidant attachment style.

I have had experience with both Avoidant and Anxious throughout my dating years. I had gotten pretty familiar with them when the would arise in my system.

I can’t remember what the fight was about but I remember the feeling. 

I was mad. 

This was the time when I would shut down, close off and go cold. I would act cool like I didn’t care what would happen next. 

Part of me wanted to run. 

I knew this was my avoidant side coming up. It feels so much easier to just close off and turn away and run. He had turned back to me for connection and repair.This time, I chose something different. 

I just stayed with that angry upset feeling. 

As I sat in connection and in silence, allowing this part of me to burn.. it was soo upset that my system felt like it was on fire but I stayed with it. 

If you were on the outside looking in, you would have had no idea I was fuming but it was there.. Trying so hard not to come back into connection, it’s not safe, why would we want to do this? 

But then.. after about 10 minutes of staying with the feeling.. it melted away like butter. 

I could feel my system relax and realize I was fine. 

I was able to fully come back into connection and talk about what happened from a loving place. Taking the time to slow down and allow that part of me to be felt shifted so much for me that I haven’t had it happen since.. 

This is the work we are doing in Slow, Secure and Sovereign. Deep work that only works when you really start to identify and understand your own nervous system.


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